If you’ve spent any time at all in the online dating world, you’ve likely come across this guy. You know the kind. He seemed so perfect on paper when he reached out to you, and not just perfect, but…different. The buildup to the first date was intense, and once you met, you were overjoyed by the amount of chemistry there seemed to be between you. He might possibly be…the one. Things couldn’t have possibly gone any better on the date. There’s even discussion of a “next time”. Dreamy sigh.
Then you never hear from him again. End of story. Cue wtf just happened music.
In my case, this scenario played out with a guy that I’ll just refer to as “Le Douche” aka the guy that walked away just when things were going great. LD, we’ll call him, reached out to me one day through OkCupid, right around the time I was starting to get the “all online dating guys are the same” feeling that creeps up every now and then. I was a bit skeptical – he was in NYC, while I am in DC. LD reassured me that while there are miles between us, a relationship might be possible if the chemistry is there and both parties are willing to travel. Heck yeah I’d travel for this guy. He is attractive and looks great on paper. NYC is cool and not really that far away. I’ve even tossed around the idea of moving there recently, so what great timing! Not to mention he was blown away by my profile enough to consider traveling. “I can tell you’re the kind of girl that’s going to make me put miles on my car,” he wrote playfully. Aww, hot damn! We had so much in common that our profiles were practically mirrors of one another. Sign me up! I played it cool though, and was like; sure, we can check it out and see what happens. Shrug.
Due to the distance, we communicated longer than what’s typical for most online daters. Personally, I like to meet asap if things are looking good. No use in prolonging a meet-up and possibly wasting each others time, right? We spent a good month communicating and getting to know one another. There were phone calls, webcam dates, a steady flow of texts throughout the day, and pictures. Lots of cute pictures to keep things flirty. No, not those kinds of photos. I’m not that crazy. Yet. Things were heating up very quickly. We had so much in common; we could even finish each others sentences. We shared the same quirky sense of humor, something I considered a huge bonus. I was completely smitten.
We decided for our first date, we would meet half way and spend a few hours together in Philly. He was only able to stay a few hours, as his brother was visiting the family from out of state, so while we didn’t have much time, 3 hours should be enough to gauge any chemistry we might have. It was instant chemistry from the moment I saw him. I wanted to pounce on him like a wild, hungry animal. Instead, I clammed up just a little and restrained myself from any animalistic behaviors that might seem creepy. We had lunch at an Irish pub and after a beer I was feeling pretty relaxed. I mean, we were already pretty well acquainted with one another, so that took away some of the initial awkwardness. The good news – I was every bit as attracted to him and his personality as I had been on our Skype dates. Score!
After lunch, LD offered to drive me to my car. We were so playful together. LD seemed so perfect for me. We playfully air punched at each other when the elevator doors closed on the way up to his car in the parking garage. The humor that we shared online translated well in real life, as I was hoping it would. It was like the universe was handing me the whole package. Finally. It’s about time universe! The sexual tension was at a boiling point. A few minutes of talking in his car led to one of the most intense make-out scenes I’ve ever had, all initiated by him. It. Was. Wild. We both affirmed that the other was an amazing kisser, not that it needed to be stated. You could feel the passion and energy between us. We stayed there in his car for an hour and did everything except “the deed”. He whispered how much of a turn on I was, and how he really wanted to go all the way, but not in a parking garage. “Next time, another way,” he said softly in my ear. “So I’ll see you again?” I asked playfully. “Yes, of course. I’m not the kind of guy that does this and you never hear from me again,” assured LD. Awesome.
I smiled the entire drive home, feeling like an inner sexual tigress had been fully released. I dreamily imagined how our next time would be, and already longed for his sweet kisses. I wondered how soon he would contact me. He didn’t that night, but that was understandable since his brother was visiting. Hmmm, no message the next morning either. Weird. LD always messaged me right after waking. No big deal. People have lives after all and aren’t robots. I decided to reach out to him and sent a text saying that it was great to finally meet him. LD replied, apologizing for not texting sooner, and explained that he was having some friends over to watch football and was busy preparing food. No worries. The next day he initiated a text that said “Oh my head”. Apparently, he drank too much with his buddies from game day. His next and last text was about playing golf in the rain and how he should have stayed home. Boring. Was he trying to bore me away? What happened to his frequent cute, fun messages? They suddenly felt forced and were lacking. That was the last message I received from him.
It’s been 6 days now, and not a peep from him. It drove me nuts the first several days, wondering why he disappeared. I even thought about sending a sarcastic text in an effort to get things going again, saying something like, “Hey LD, what happened? Did you get run over by a golf cart?” But no. Just no. I’m not desperate and have a certain amount of pride. If he was interested, he would reach out to me. Point taken, LD. I’ve seen him signed into OkCupid countless times since, so I know he’s still breathing. I have a clear idea of the kind of person that I want to be with in this life. LD shared many of those qualities, but I can do without the douchey love em and leave em behavior. I could easily over-analyze what I did, what I wore, what I said, but I realize this is probably more about him than me. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hurt and extremely disappointed that he hit the fade button without warning or reason. Your loss LD. Your loss.
Have you dated a Mr. Disappearing Act? Or maybe you are one of these players. I’d love to hear your experiences.